Baby Kevin Michael
I know the saying is that some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. I believe that. I also believe that God can answer prayers of the heart that you don't even know are being prayed. That was the case with my sweet baby boy that was born on April 29, 2014. I never realized that I had an 8 pound, 15 ounce hole in my heart, but the second I saw his cute little chubby face, I realized he was an answer to a prayer that I did not know I was praying.
Like I said before, I didn't want any more kids and I certainly did not want any more pregnancies. I hated every second of being pregnant. I wont sugarcoat that. I had to apologize to Kevin for being so miserable for 9 months. On top of the regular pregnancy misery, I was scared to death that maybe there was still some cancer cells left in me that were growing, and that I would not be able to raise my babies and see them grow up. However, the second I got to hold my sweet baby, all the misery in the world was worth it. My heart was complete. I had my boy and my girl.
The recovery from the section and tubal was rough. I talked to my doctors about this and they all agreed - this was my third major surgery in 9 months - my body was worn out. The last 10 months have taken a physical, mental and emotional toll on me (and everyone that has had to endure my misery). But I am happy to say that I feel like I am over the hump. I really believe the worst is behind me.
Tamoxifen
On April 30, the day after having the baby, I started my cancer treatment. As yall know, I was very worried about starting on the tamoxifen and the potential side effects that it could cause. But the statistics for recurrence without taking the tamoxifen scared me more than the side effects of the tamoxifen. Every morning for the next ten years I will take two tiny pills. The purpose for the pills is to stop my body from absorbing any estrogen. I still have ovaries and I still produce estrogen, but my body doesn't absorb it; so I am in a "chemical menopause."
Prior to starting the tamoxifen, the doctors told me what the side effects could be, but said that they really did not know how I would react to it because of my age. Normally, its women older than me that are nearing menopause age that have to take it, not a thirty year old that just gave birth 24 hours before. Luckily I have not had any side effects. No hot flashes! No night sweats! and none of the other really worrisome side effects that the doctors said "could" happen.
I actually, for the first time in 10 months, feel "normal." Well as normal as you can feel with a new baby that wakes up every three hours to eat...
That's not to say that I am not still terrified that the cancer is lurking somewhere in my body, but with a newborn, I have not had time to sit around and worry about it. Which is a blessing in and of itself.
Path Forward
I saw my oncologist two weeks after the baby was born. At that time I did blood work and he did a physical exam - both came back normal - Thank God! In August I will return to him for more blood work along with a chest x-ray. The chest x-ray will be the first time we get any sort of scan or picture of how things are in my chest since the mastectomy. This probably would have been done earlier, but it was too risky with the pregnancy. I get nervous just thinking about it, but at this point all I can do is pray, hope for the best, take my two tiny pills every morning and try to enjoy each day as much as possible.
