I knew the months of October through February were going to be months of nausea, sickness, etc. However, I thought this would be from the chemotherapy - not from pregnancy. Nevertheless, the first four months of the pregnancy were rough. Anyone that knows me knows that I am not a real big fan of pregnancy, I was not with Gabrielle and I am not with this one. (And I don't hide it well either). I pretty much hate those people that say "I loved being pregnant. I only gained 15 pounds. I never felt better than when I was pregnant. I glowed." Here's the thing, when I am pregnant, I don't glow, I gain a lot of weight, I throw up multiple times a day and I just basically hate every second of pregnancy. I pretty much start counting down the days and hours until I can deliver at like week 8, which makes for a long 9 months (which is technically ten months).
Gender Reveal
There are a few moments of pregnancy that I enjoy - the top being when we find out the gender. I am not one of those people that can wait until I deliver, I pretty much find a way to find out as soon as scientifically possible, which is around 13 weeks if you are wondering. So in November we made an appointment to find out what we were having. Gabrielle and I wanted a girl; in fact, I was almost positive it was a girl because the pregnancy seemed very similar to my pregnancy with Gabrielle. Gabrielle said she was running away if it was a boy. Of course, Kevin wanted that boy that he always dreamed about having (he said he was running away if it was a girl). So basically either Gabrielle or Kevin was running away once we knew the results.
Luckily the baby was cooperative and showed us the right part right away - Its a BOY! Gabrielle was sitting on Kevin when the tech said it was a boy and she slapped her dad. I was in shock but I was also very happy that Kevin was getting a son. Kevin smiled from ear to ear for days.
Pregnancy Plan of Action
As I mentioned before, due to the pregnancy, chemotherapy was no longer an option. Of course, all of my doctors were concerned about the effects of the estrogen from pregnancy on my cancer, but we would have to just wait and see. My doctors joked, "Renee, there aren't a whole lot of studies on this, your circumstances are rare." NO KIDDING.
I learned that I was actually pregnant at the time of my mastectomy, but it was too early for it to show on a urine test. Had a blood tests been given, it would have shown up. When you enter all the dates on a pregnancy calculator, it shows that the egg probably implanted the day of my surgery. When I think about it that way, I know God definitely had a hand in it all. My body was going through major trauma, but this little life was determined to make it despite it all. I am thinking this baby boy is going to be strong and tough - he has already survived against the odds.
My due date is May 19, 2014. The doctors have decided that it is best to deliver three weeks early so that I can begin treatment. I am scheduled for a section on April 29. I am beyond ready. I am ready to see his little face and I am ready to not be pregnant anymore. My OB and I have vetoed the hysterectomy at the time of the section due to the high risk of the surgery.
I will begin tamoxifen the day after the section. However, due to the clotting risk associated with a section, coupled with the clotting risk associated with the tamoxifen, I will also have to begin on a blood thinner that day as well. This means daily injections into my stomach for 4-6 weeks. I will be giving myself the injections. I am not really letting myself worry about that for the time being, I will cross that bridge when I have to. The reason I have to start tamoxifen so soon after delivery is to prevent the estrogen surges and waves that follow delivery. Studies are still conflicting about whether an estrogen positive cancer like mine reacts more to estrogen surges or estrogen waves; either way, the doctors want to prevent any reaction to the estrogen.
The tamoxifen will put me into a "chemical menopause." Which means that the ovaries will still make the estrogen, but the tamoxifen will prevent the estrogen from being absorbed by the cells. What that will mean is that I will have a baby one day and go into menopause the next. My prayer is that the side effects of the menopause will not be too bad due to my age. From my research, it seems as though the side effects can range from none to very severe.
So at this point the waiting continues. 2 more weeks of waiting to see my baby boy's little face, 2 weeks and 1 day of waiting to start tamoxifen, and then a couple more weeks for tests to be run to see if I am still indeed cancer free.
I really do not like waiting...
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